.and that's just not my way. I neverhurt others...if I can help it?" I hope so. But if your ever in trouble? Come to here. As we are set-upfor anything bad here and the 'boss' helps his kids as best he can. Youunderstand?" Yes I do and its nice to hear for a change...that there is somesupport." I bump into Becky "Time to go and lets see that big park!" Have a nice night ladies. And do call if you need anything?"We start to walk out and Becky turns back suddenly "I think I forgot thecheck!" and runs back in. I stand there watching all the traffic go byoutside the lobby doors, I am just entranced by all the motion of thecity.Becky goes back in and finds 'Link' "Hey we forgot the check?" No problem, its on me. But have a good night and he starts to turnaway.Becky stops him "What did you see?...in that coin? I know some of it,But I want to know more?" What I saw is...that she is old...ancient. Then lots of fighting anddeath...I MEAN LOTS! between creatures, I have never seen or want. The alarms, the repeated visits to thephysician, the repeated tests, the repeated trips to the hospital. (It wasthe same in childhood, remember? If an unpopular child was at a gathering,the other kids would mock & traduce her cruelly to show her that theywished she would go home. Nature treats us the same way when she wants toget rid of us.) And the discovery that you can no longer trust your body.(This may be a uniquely male thing; reading de Beauvoir in my twenties leftme with the impression that women don't feel they can trust their bodiesat any age.) And the disfigurement of your body--swellings, blotches &blains. Thomas tells us to rage against the dying of the light; but it'snot the dying that's the problem, it's the waning. The waning, not theextinction. Nature is not your friend. I'm sorry to abandon Pat this way. The bereaved have to suppressfeelings of resentment at being abandoned by the dying; Pat & I havediscussed this long since & I told her to go ahead &.
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