No matter what I did, no matter how many times I received praise for something other than my looks, there was a small twinge of doubt it was real, a fear the old Ashley would return. But she wasn’t returning this evening. We drove to the bus station and sat on a bench holding hands and grinning stupidly. We didn’t have to keep a lookout for Sandy. We heard her squealing as she came at us like a missile. She made contact with me first and when she let go, jumped up and down a couple times and jumped onto Jeff, wrapping her legs around his waist. She was expressing her excitement but she was so wired that, even though it was intelligible, unless you listened carefully, it sounded quite a bit like gibberish. One of Jeff’s more annoying, and endearing, habits was starting to rub off on me. He analyzed everything. I was analyzing more and more. I particularly took note of the incredible feeling of elation I experienced because Sandy was so excited to be here with us, to be included as. A big snugly ugly gathering. But the point was--as mom kept pointing out--was for just us full-bloods to convene. Make it just like way back when our family was four. The good old days. Listen, I told her, I have the best memory. Those were always awful times.I love my parents and my sister, but in that wavering sort of familial way. We all get along, stepping around each other's quirks, but there's no genuine feeling of closeness between any of us. Aside from our kinship there is really to reason for any of us to want to be around each other. I certainly feel no need to glorify any of that past."You have to do this," Liz informed me in a subsequent call. "We have to do this. When Mom called me she was practically in tears." No doubt," I replied. "She's got that faucet handle on the back of her head. Remember how she reaches up under her hair, and then suddenly her eyes are brimming."My sister threw down her trump. "Okay, let me talk to Dena." My wife would make me. And Liz knew she.
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