I couldn't understand how or why I waslike this, but I could think of nothing else but getting some sort ofrelief. Allen got up and went to the living room, sat on the couch andturned on the TV. I followed him and sat beside him, determined to get himinto the mood for sex, but he really wasn't interested, and pushed my handgently away when I tried to unzip his fly."Please Janice," he said. "I'm just too tired tonight, I just want torelax."I really couldn't understand what was going on. I felt upset and hurt, andI was now getting desperate for some relief. I got off the couch and wentupstairs. I needed space to think about what was happening. I went intothe bathroom, hitched up my skirt, pulled down my sopping wet panties andsat on the toilet. I was trying my best to keep the tears from coming, butanother side effect of this swap was that I was an emotional wreck. AfterI relieved myself and wiped myself, I went into our bedroom to get readyfor bed. I sat at my vanity table and removed. This was the defining moment and she hoped she had it in her to follow though."You never really wanted to have me, did you?"His mouth dropped open and he felt flush. This was not a question. This was an accusation."Did your mother put you up to this?" he said with heat in his voice."Daddy, Mom doesn't know I came to see you, today. She has no idea that I'm here. So get that out of your mind. You can't blame her. I don't want you blaming her for what you do. You can just tell me the answer to the question. I want to know."Jessica didn't know where she had gotten the strength to say what she had. Maybe from years of being angry with her father and now having a reason to get back. But right now she wondered if he could see her shaking, for inside, she felt like throwing up."Honey," he said with a voice that he was trying desperately not to wobble, "that is a question I can't answer." I didn't think you would. How about this one," Jessica said. "Why did you marry Mom, when you hate women.
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