I was assisting Branco at the concrete mixer, putting in shovel loads of sand and aggregate, then we would dump in a bag of cement, and once the dry components were mixed properly, he would add water until he felt the consistency was right. As a load was ready, we would empty the mixer into a barrow, and Branco would take to that to one of the holes, dump the concrete in around the reinforcing, where Paul would tamp it down, level it, and make sure it was at the correct height. Meanwhile I would put more materials into the mixer for the next batch. It was good, hard manual labour, but quite satisfying to see things start to take shape. By mid-morning – ‘smoko’ time, we had half of the foundations done.Fiona had been putting the next coat of paint on the wooden rails; she went inside to help Mary Beth bring out cups of tea and cold drinks for us. We sat in the shade on the front veranda, as it was already getting hot.“They will be ready for us to start laying the bricks tomorrow. I love Howard. I know I do. But I need some excitement in my life. I'm nearly fifty and I need this. I need someone to help me feel alive and desirable. God knows, Howard is a wonderful lover. He fills me so completely and he is so thoughtful with me. I couldn't ask for a more considerate husband. But ... I need more.I've really made a mess of this. I've alerted him to my intention. I've stupidly caused him to doubt me. There is no way I can indulge myself if he is watching me closely. Why did I have to warn him? What kind of fool am I? I've just made it that much more difficult to have an affair.I've already made up my mind. I'm going to do this. I've just had a bad start. A poorly chosen strategy. I have to step back and rethink what to do.As I wandered through the house, I noticed the door to his study was open and he was no longer there. I tried the living room and then the kitchen, but he was nowhere to be found. I looked in the hall closet and noticed his windbreaker was.
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