She came and sat on the edge of the bed. I took her hand and she commenced to howling. ‘I just don’t know what we’re going to do without your daddy, Cool. I love him so much and he’s just leaving, like an old elephant going off to die.’ ‘I know, Baby.’ I soothed her. ‘He might be doing just that. But, you can’t stop him, he’s always had his own way and you know that.’ ‘I know, but I don’t have to like it, do I?’ She wailed. ‘No, you’ve just gotta accept it. He ain’t gonna change for anybody. He just doesn’t want to wear us down like momma did. He knows how much you hurt after that.’ I answered. I pulled Louise down on the bed next to me and she rested her head on my shoulder. I let her cry for a while and them I brushed a tear off her cheek with my finger. She looked into my eyes and said softly, ‘He was never tender, like you are, in his whole life. He always had to be a driver. I think that’s what finally killed Grace.’ She leaned close and kissed me gently. I returned the kiss and. That’s the kind of weight that she’d expect to gain after having a baby but she didn’t have any children. With her boyfriend dumping her for someone else, someone thinner but not as pretty, she was so sad to spend the holidays alone. She still has the Christmas gifts she bought him in a bag in her closet. Declining Thanksgiving Day invitations, she stayed home alone to heat up and eat her supermarket turkey dinner. It wasn’t so bad. Being alone for the holidays made her realize what it would be like when she’s older and didn’t have a husband to care for her or children to visit her. New Year’s Eve was the hardest. Instead of watching the New Year’s Eve celebration on TV, she went to bed at 9 pm. Looking on the bright side, grasping at any ray of comforting hope, at least she’s not 200 pounds. At least she lost that 20 pounds and kept it off without gaining it all back. Now she only needs to lose another 20 pounds to be at her goal weight but how is she going to do that? How can she.
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