," I tried again. He snapped his fingers and thesame guy who brought the lingerie over deposited a zip-loc bag of makeupand a pair of black patent high heeled shoes."Again," he said, "not plausible. Who were you planning to meet? Who isyour contact that is setting you up with one of our women? These areserious charges." No," I said again. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. "I wouldnever...." I was either going to be in a lot of trouble or have to tell thetruth. I opted for the truth."They're mine," I said softly."What?" I said they're mine," I croaked a little louder. I could feel the bloodrushing to my face."Again, Mr. Wilson, not plausible." It's true," I said. "I like to wear women's lingerie. I'm a cross-dresser." Then what," he asked as he held up one of the sex toys, "is this for?" Itwas my Doc Johnson medium Pleasure Plug. It was about 4 inches long andhad a realistic look and feel. At its widest point just below the pinkcircumcised head it was about 1 1/4. ‘Just relax. Just… be…’ He walked towards the sauna rooms. He stepped inside the last one and felt the steam wash over him like a wave. He sat down on the bench, put the facecloth over his eyes and leaned back, breathing in and out slowly. ‘Just relax,’ he thought. ‘You’re all right… you’re all right…’ He felt the darkness creep up around his field of vision, and for a moment he concentrated on trying to attain peace within, and for a quick moment thought on his friends from high school and university, guys who’d settled, and thought for a moment that it might be worth it not to chase the highest goal, if it meant not knowing what it felt like to lose it. But then he thought further back, to the first time he heard Trish say ‘I love you’, and even though it wasn’t that way now, it was still a happy memory. And then he thought of that first time Veronica had kissed him, and even though it might not have been real, that weekend of anticipation had been one of the happiest and most.
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