I want no white skin showing between the waist strap and the neck, ok?’‘Go easy round the kidneys, but lay it on hard on the upper back and shoulders’, should it pass out, make sure it doesn’t choke. I do not want a dead worm in the house.’‘After it is suitably coloured, take out its gag and the spreader, put a posture collar on it, keep it fairly loose so it can breathe easily. If it speaks, throw it out of the house.’‘Unfasten its arms from the horse, tie them into the long leather arm binder, good and tight, then free its legs and take it down into the basement. Leave its hood on for the time being.’Glancing disparagingly at the man, Mistress continues, ‘If it struggles while you are preparing it, throw it out of the house. If it speaks, throw it out of the house, if it shows reluctance to follow?’‘Yes, yes, I get the message,’ he replies, looking somewhat bored with proceedings.‘Very well, smart-arse, get it done then. When it is in the basement wait for me. ‘Mistress turns away. I hadn’t gotten any, and certainly not anything good, in a long time. Lying to myself about my sexuality probably had something to do with it. The town was kind of backwards about certain things, and being gay was a big deal. No one, not a single person I could name, was actually out. Especially back in high school. It was all downcast eyes and sidelong glances and hands groping uncertainly in the dark, and then once it was confirmed it was urgent and needy, a quick messy fuck in the boys’ room. Sometimes one of them would have a black eye the next day, or not show up for a week. Not that I ever got involved in it. I thought about guys a lot, but I kind of liked girls too, so I managed to hold myself over with them and convince myself I was really a straight guy plagued by uncalled-for thoughts, which I occasionally gave in to and let myself jerk off to, but definitely only by accident. In school, I just spread the rumors about what I’d glimpsed in the boys’ room like a good, cruel.
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