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Falling down on the living room floor while removing his shoes, he lay weeping -- drunken tears of self-pity, unable to accept what he had done to cause her to leave. With a giant sob, he allowed the darkness of sleep to blanket him.Threads and remnants of life's reality appeared in his dream and were woven into a mental tapestry, depicting shards of the events that led to her departure: his layoff from the factory at the beginning of summer, the long lines at the unemployment office, the days spent wandering around the house feeling useless and unwanted, his wife's goodbyes sounding more like accusations as she left for work each morning, the anger that built up with each passing minute, the long moments spent staring blankly out the window at the neighbor's daughter while she sunbathed, and the numbing peace brought on by each can of beer.In his dream, he could feel the heat of the sun upon him, the sweat on his forehead running down his face as he lay with eyes closed on the lounge. We were both in a state of grace: he felt deeply in lovewith me, and missed no opportunity to show his tender affection. Duringthe entire time I had been breastfeeding, he had shown me his respect bybalancing sex with tenderness. His authoritativeness had given way to anenhanced desire to hold me and protect me with his masculine strength. Ontop of this, Manuelito had brought out his fatherly side: as we took careof him and slept together in the same bed, he felt that finally we hadbecome a real family. He was in Heaven.I, on my side, had reached peaks of femininity I could have never evendreamed of at the start of my transition ten months earlier: down theentrance way to Macaon there I was, walking proudly as a real woman, withmarvellous, feminine breasts, luscious curves and a glow that further litthe day. Pregnancy and lactation had shaped my body in an unquestionablyfeminine way: I have always wanted to die a real woman, as close to agenetic woman in appearance as I can. Day by.
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