“It is very difficult to have sex with a dog in the missionary position love. It took me quite some time to figure it out” Elizabeth said. Cathy and I looked at each other in shock. “You saw us” Cathy said. Elizabeth laughed “yes honey I did and may I say I enjoyed the view” she said. It took a couple of seconds to register what she was saying. Cathy finally spoke up “you said about the missionary position. Were you saying….” She was cut short. “Yes Cathy I was saying I understand. Please let me explain. I was married and about a year ago my husband came home and found me and our German Shepherd, Barnie, together. He called me a dirty filthy whore. He packed his bags and left me that very day”. “Oh I am sorry” Cathy said. “Oh don’t be sorry love. Barnie was a better lover than my husband. Then about 6 months Barnie was hit by a car and he had to be put down. I was devastated. He was so kind and satisfied me like my useless husband never could”. Cathy sat listening intently to her. I. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.AND! NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.This one is compliments of Reltney McHere’s another one, about Little Johnny.Little Johnny was in first grade, and his reputation had preceded him.Today’s class was phonics, and everybody was to identify a word that began with the letter on the card the teacher displayed.She held up an “A”, and hands hit the air. Little Johnny was waving his hand in the air, and the teacher thought, “Hmmm. Anus. Asshole. NO, I don’t think I want to call on Little Johnny.”So, teacher called on Little Betty. “‘A’, Apple. Apple starts with ‘A’”. She sat down.Next card, “B”, brought about a storm of volunteers, prominently featuring Little Johnny, waving both arms. Again, teacher pondered. “‘B’. Hmmm. Bastard. Bitch. Butthole. No, I do not want to know what Little Johnny’s thinking.”So, Timmy got to announce “‘B’. Bird starts with ‘B’.”The lesson continued, with predictable avoidance of calling on.
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