All men traveled in packs more exclusive than the last. To be considered to talk to a guy or spend an evening with him you first had to meet the approval of his friends whose gazes grew more and more icy as you followed their perfectly combed heads around their table. If you were desperate enough, you could find a greasy guy holed up at a lone bar table eyeing every person around; he would be more than happy to take you home and use you as the body you are, not the person. I grew to admire this brittle French system that annoyed me so much, men being highly selective instead of easy; it generally meant they knew what they wanted and were not so flakey after they found it, a trend that men in the United States had yet to pick up on. I sat in my cramped studio apartment on a breezy day in early September pondering why it was so hard for me to get in with any social circles in this city. People had told me that it was just France, the culture is not so accepting to outsiders,. I turn my caressing fingers into claws and pull his hair, trying to deepen the kiss. He signs against my mouth and rests his forehead against mine. I sense that he wants to talk, to lie down and be held. No. I have indulged him all week and now it is time to pull him back to himself. I step back and kneel, reaching up to undo his belt. “Baby…” he says, pulling me up. Keeping hold of his belt buckle, it comes slithering out of his belt holes as I stand. I hand it to him. “I need you to be confident, controlling Jake.” I whisper, my pleading eyes looking directly into his tired blue ones. I hand him the belt, and he breaks our eye contact to glance down at it. I untie the sash on my robe and let it fall to the floor, leaving me standing naked in front of him. He stares at my naked body, letting his eyes roam over my breasts, my narrow hips, and the freshly shaved space between my thighs. The moment stretches and I wonder if he will refuse. I remain still, waiting. Finally, he breaks.
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