This was it. I was driving to a gay bar. All those days spent reading lesbian websites, all those hours pining for Kristen Stewart and listening to Tegan and Sara – that was all just in my head. No one in the world knew about that but me. Now reality was about to break in. Be still my heart. In the back of the cab I remember laughing to myself and repeating over and over, “Oh my god. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”I was completely sober, and here I was being driven to a bar that I had never been to, alone at 12:30 at night. No one even knew I had left. As I was pulling up, I could see some women spilling out of the club onto the back patio. Another shot of fear coursed through me. I paid the driver, who was smirking when he said "good luck", and took a deep breath.At the door, I knew I would have to show my driver's licence and pay the £15 cover for u******e patrons. I was prepared for all this because I had practically memorized the club’s website. What I wasn’t prepared for was. Lying here. I am not a little girl. I know how guys are. I know it has to be hard, um, I mean, you know difficult.”I was embarrassed but turned on. How did she see me? Some horny teenager or a man. I rolled over, on my back, unable to look at her. I stared up at the ceiling. She nuzzled her head onto my shoulder, but I just sat there, hands behind my head.“Talk to me.”“This is weird,” I said.“No. It’s not. Seriously. I liked watching you. Trust me. I … have been going through a lot of stuff. Self esteem stuff. I liked knowing I could do that to a man. I should thank you. Thank you.”“Ha, you are welcome.”“And I wouldn’t have said anything, but you just seemed … different. Angry. I didn’t like it.”“Sorry. It’s just … long day.”“I know,” she said. “I get it. Trust me.”Her hand was on my chest, just resting there. We sat in silence. I wasn’t sure what to do or what this meant. Clearly, making a move was not my strong suit. Which is why I never made one.Then I felt her hand slowly move.
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