Shamus, rather foolishly, tries his best to keep me happy, but like the mug he is, he’d rather believe something someone’s got published in an unknown Journal than listen to me. He eats fruit, drinks Prune Juice and has roughage everyday. He practices Yoga, goes the gym and takes long walks. Why? Because he’s been told to do so by someone who assumes that this is the best way for him to keep fit and healthy with the added bonus of maintaining happy bowels. I’m the bowels in question, and let me tell you … I’m not happy. In fact, you could say I’m a first class case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Hi, I’m Kevin. Let me explain… For a start, we bowels like to work at our own pace. As explained it’s not an easy job, and it’s certainly not one everyone would want to have a go at so we like to take our time. We like to take things steady – for example, when we have to take the food and remove all the good stuff, sending it to wherever it belongs, whilst taking all the bad stuff and pushing. My car was far away, but luckily the purse I was carrying had my keys. Iclosed the door behind me and tried not to hyperventilate. After aminute or two, I tore out of the lot and headed for home. As I drove, Iwondered if I too was destined to become Audra's cuntslave. The thoughtof it set my happy spot to buzzing, and I found it hard to keep the caron the road for the last mile or so. "Focus, dammit," I screamed in thecar, but it was useless.I barely made it inside the door. Was I really going to spend my life asa quivering mass of sex? Was there a cure, an antidote? And if therewas, did I want it?My erection tented the short skirt I was wearing in the front, creating astrange sight in the mirror. As I reached down to stroke it, I heard aloud groan from the bedroom. Holy shit, I thought, we'd forgotten allabout.......god, what was his name? The memory gaps I was suffering weregetting worse. If it didn't have anything to do with sex, I'd basicallyforgotten about it. It was.
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