I scrambled for it, catching the rice in my broken fingers like a living thing and pushing it between my lips. He watched me. Not smiling, not frowning, just watching. There was fruit on the tray, four sections of whitish-orange jackfruit. I picked them up carefully, one at a time, sitting with my knees against my breasts, my chin in the valley between them. Television. I was going on television again, that was why they gave me fruit. I ate it slowly, rocking back and forth and staring at the wall.My first time had been very hard. I hadn't wanted to read the words and I'd refused. So they'd beaten me from the waist down with truncheons of rubber hose filled with sand. I hadn't been able to walk or even stand, but I'd been able to read what they told me to as I sat on a chair. My face had not been marked then, not once, nor had my arms or shoulders. Any part of me that would be seen by my friends and family was clean and soft and unbruised. It shamed me.The second time I'd been more. As I was walking around the store I saw the table with all the different massagers. Wow was I turned on! I’m usually too shy to do anything but walk by and look at them. This time, I went over and started to decide which one I was going to buy. I was picking different ones up and turning them on to test how strong the vibration was against my hand and trying to find a quiet one so my neighbors don’t hear a humming sound coming from my apartment. I was like a k** in a candy store although I’m a middle aged women so its kind of embarrassing. As I was testing out the different massagers, a Asian lady in her twenties who works their asked if she could help me find something. I told her I was looking for a good massager for my back and she referred me to a massager that was large and had two small knobs on it. It wouldn’t be a very good one to masturbate with. So I tried it out anyways and then put it down. I then picked up one that was about 12 inches long and had a cone like head to it.
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