.We arrived at Ben's (for convenience, I'll stop appending Yvonne and Isabel, though they're every bit as vital) and Teri disappeared into the kitchen with Yvonne. Phil, Dick and Beth, Isabel and Ben sat in the lounge with Dennis and myself. I kicked off."I consider the core group of Phil, Ben, Isabel, Beth, Dick, Teri and Yvonne as Elders in our fellowship. I'll say that to the ladies when they return – no offence, Dennis, but you'll need to be with us longer."He smiled. "No problem. I'm not sure I want the responsibility anyway." Speaking of responsibility," I went on, "I want each of you to think about whether you want that role or not. Ben, Phil, you've been ringing round the others about the possible purchase?" Yes," Phil said. "Between us, we've canvassed everyone. We're looking at over six hundred a week, or two thousand six hundred a month. But Ben's been looking into valuations and mortgages." I've a friend who's an estate agent* and he suggested a valuation of around a. You're going to become oneof those ugly, unsexual 'things' that disgust most people, and attract derisionfrom others. I'm doing this to you as a joke, at most as an experiment."The urgeto run hits me again, to flee back to my family. But I know that I must bestrong. I must not run away from myself any more. I must be true to my stationand status and ambition. I hold still, trembling, dust motes awakened by themovement of the large wooden construction dancing together in the slanting raysof late afternoon sunlight which slant from the window. "Lasttime you came here, I failed to force you to suck my cock. I was kind. Thatkindness has gone. Get on your knees, open my zip, and do what you will livefor, my little cocksucker."I freeze.The wall of terror wells up from the darkness beneath my mind and for the firsttime in memory, I am literally paralysed with fear. It is not fear of thatwhich he commands me to do, for that impresses revulsion more than anxiety, butfear at the punishment I.
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