"My Blue-eyed devil,How can I tell you what is on my heart, without hurting and crying? A part of me wants to get to know you and fall deeper in love with the other side of you (the one I do not see in bed). I want to scream, "Why not?Then I rationalize things and tell myself, I understand. Until the next day, then I miss you once more and start crying again. Damn-it, I wanted you to be my love, the only man in my life, forever.However, deep down I know that we will never have that kind of love. I also know that part of my feelings stem from what I did not find with Bryan. I know these are rebound feelings that I am having. Although, we may thing it real love. It is not the kind of love that takes time to develop and mature. Still, I wake up in the middle of the night crying and screaming, "Why can't it be?"Douglas, how do I move on? When, I am too scared to let myself go and find out? I guess time will heal all wounds. I will always wonder why when it comes to you. So always, be my. And, it seemed that our schedules somehow coincided a lot, as we used to arrive home at the same time quite a bit.It just seemed natural to settle on one or the other's front porch for a chat. The chats got longer, and longer. We'd sit there for hours, just talking. We'd talk about our jobs. I'd talk about high school. She'd talk about being worried about high school, mainly because of Cheryl, who was blonde and was well on her way to being a candidate for a Playboy centerfold, and who flirted with anything in pants. Alex was described by most people as "cute". She was introverted. Under the glaring light of Cheryl, she could feel like a gnat. I think I was the first person she discussed this with. It worried her.I know I was the first person she ever showed her short stories to. And she was the first person that I shared my poems and songs with. And, I made her laugh. Alex never laughed. Smile, sure. Chuckle, giggle, yeah. But not laugh. I was doing an impression of a customer that.
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