The thought of other women being attracted tome; the thought was incomprehensible but at the sametime so taboo and innately erotic. I masturbated andwas finally able to get a little sleep.The next morning I was in the kitchen bright and earlybefore my son, whom I was sure would sleep in, went towork. I had just finished making us a big stack ofbuttery pancakes a perennial favorite. Alex camedownstairs and gave me a big hug and kissed my necklike his father used to. I felt a pang of sorrow at thethought, “You’re up early; I figured you’d sleep inthis morning?” He sat at the table and said sheepishly,“Yeah, I guess we were a little loud last night; Nikkican be very vocal, can’t she… what smells so good?” Ismiled and served him a big stack, “Pancakes, withbutter, syrup and sausage links just like you like’em.” He looked at the giant stack of flapjacks, “Geemom, you’ve outdone yourself!” I leaned against. Overall I looked pale, as in white as a sheet kind of pale.Again, this wasn't much of a surprise given the night I'd had but itstill made me shudder at the sight of the girl staring back at me.And that's what did it. The sight of that terrified, haunted girl inthe mirror made me realize that Harold and Jackie were winning. Theirone goal from the moment I'd come under their twisted version of care,aside from collecting money from the government for housing me, was toinstill and cement feelings of fear, helplessness, and submissivenesstowards them. In their eyes I doubt I ranked much higher than a dirtymutt whose only purpose was to be kicked for their amusement. But Iwasn't some mongrel dog anymore. I was someone new, something new. Itwasn't in me to take revenge, but I'd be damn sure that the next time Ilaid eyes on them (likely in court) that the person they saw would be aself-assure and confident girl who had taken everything they'd givenand not only survived, but thrived despite.
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