.. first date! So... I wasn’t going to be a nun anymore!We got married right before he started his last year.He loved sex! We made love like rabbits, but it didn’t take long for himso see it didn’t do much for me. As time when on this bothered himmore and more.Eventually, he seemed obsessed with me experiencing the same feelingsthat he did. He would hump on me furiously, it felt good but nothing. Eventually, fueled by his growing frustration, he humped me so hard the bed was slamming into the wall. That is when a small jar on theshelf above the bed fell off and hit the nipple on my right breast. The pain was excruciating but he kept going as I tried not to yell out.Suddenly as I massaged my throbbing nipple I felt a swelling joy risingwithin me running from my breasts down to where his entered me.This strange feeling grew and grew until my mind exploded with feelings that made my heart almost jump from my chest.I said afterward, “Oh, so that is what I have been missing.”It didn’t. But for that period of fidelity with him, I’ve lived the stereotype, engaging in anonymous bathhouse sex, being every inch the fag that middle America fears. I’ve watched friends and lovers die by the hundreds. I should probably be dead myself. I promise myself again and again to change, to find one good man, but the only one I’ve ever met appears and re-appears on various ‘Most Eligible Bachelor’ lists. This morning, I awoke early. The summer heat had caused me to cast off most of my bedding. Only the sheet remained, and it was wrapped about my waist and groin. I honestly didn’t think anything of it at the time. I stretched from the bed and went into the kitchen to make coffee. A voice from the couch said to me, ‘Some people would say you have a Messiah Complex.’ My heart froze. For a brief miraculous moment, I thought it was him, that we’d somehow switched roles for one wonderful night all these years later. It wasn’t, of course. It was just last night’s date, a fairly young guy.
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