Lucy our daughter just had her fifth birthday and the only way they get to see each other is through webcam, pictures and letters its hard for me so see the hurt in Williams eyes when he sees how big shes gotten. Lucy asks me every day mommy when is daddy is coming home, how do you explain to a child that you dont know when daddy will come home and when he does come home it may be in a casket. I hadnt been home long from taking Lucy to her first day of school when I got a knock on the door, it was a uniformed officer with yellow Western Union envelope and also he held a envelope containing a letter from William that he hadnt yet mailed it was a bithday card for Lucy. Hello can I help you I asked, are you Mrs. Berry yes I replied with tears starting to wail up in my eyes, I knew exactly why this officer was at my door, my husband was dead. Maam I am sorry for your loss I now present you with this letter, your husbands body will be here tomorrow and the funeral will be discussed at. I really do have several things I need to get done.”“Then I’ll let you. I love you...”Sometimes it’s hard to finish a phone call, isn’t it... I thought it would probably be a waste of time going to bed early; I was all caught up on sleep and I knew I would only have to get up again and read or something. I found some music that wouldn’t make me maudlin, starting with ‘Die Walkure’, poured some whisky and sat down with my laptop to catch up on emails. That took a while, not having looked at them for over a week. I firmly rejected the idea of reading online, knowing the effect it would have and made myself catch up on my accounts. Wanting a change I dug out a Cruxshadows CD and poured some more whisky. When the CD ended, I wove my way to bed – I don’t have a high tolerance for alcohol – and eventually fell asleep.Sunday morning ... and nothing to distract me. I had breakfast, made some sandwiches and set off for a long, long walk. The fresh air, the river, the wildlife ... sounds of.
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