I called thecompany up to complain. The nice guy on the phone said they only sendblue pills. I explained my earlier ones were orangey/red and white. Hepassed me on to someone else. That nice guy passed me onto a woman. Thatwoman asked if the pills I received worked. I explained how well theyworked, although the excessive juice was becoming a bit of a problem.She asked if I had any physiological changes. When I mentioned that myclit seems to always be hard, and has gotten longer, she asked if Icould take off for a week to come see them in their clinic in NY. Shesaid something about "unanticipated changes". I asked that she send methe same pills, since I didn't have time to come up to their clinic. Shepromised to send the correct pills by next day air. I gave her myaddress, and thanked her.The next morning, very early, I woke to a knock on my door. It was thefedex guy. He had a box for me. When I turned my back, I felt a pain inmy neck, then nothing.I awoke in a hospital room. A lovely. I was astonished, and blurted "But these are for girls!" Ms. Rohrbaugh smiled gently, her sharp tooth catching the light, and said, "No, Robert, they're for little boys who unfortunately wet themselves on the first day of school. Now just put them on. It's only 'til this afternoon, when your pants and underpants dry." I did as I was told, remembering that the most important rule is: Always Obey the Teacher. I put on the thick, rose-printed lacy underpants and stepped into the pants with two zippers. It was awkward, trying to zip up the zippers on the side, and harder still to button the pants, so Ms. Rohrbaugh helped me, saying, "Oh, you didn't tuck in your shirt, here, let me." We walked back down the hall together, and I was grateful that I didn't have to go to the principal's office, but I wasn't sure I was happy to be facing the world wearing stretchy red pants with suspenders over my nice light blue first-day- of school button-down shirt. It felt.
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