She had already lost the baby and the doctors had warned Ray that her condition was such that he should expect the worst. By the time Clare and I got to the hospital, she was already dead.The next few months were utter hell with anger, misery and despair ever present in our lives. Ray remained inconsolable, but slowly, oh so slowly, Clare and I began to come to terms with our loss. Now only too aware of the ephemeral nature of our existence, we decided we would start a family.We were both confident that she would fall pregnant quickly - her late twin sister had done just that - but it did not happen. Our hopes were dashed every month with the onset of her period. Eventually we went to a clinic and to my dismay, it was discovered that I had an abnormally low sperm count. The specialist assured me that it had no influence on my sexuality, that it was quite commonplace, and most importantly that I might still be able to father a child. It was just that I was firing blanks most of the. My car sat alone in the car park, illuminated by the solitary security light, slowly starting to make an impact in the weakening light. Why was I here working on my own again, on a Friday night? I made a mental note to have a word with the boss on Monday, but in reality I would no doubt let it go again, take the overtime cheque and not rile the already foul tempered manager.I dropped my drained coffee cup into the bin at the side of my desk, shuffled the pile of papers I'd been diligently working on all day into an ordered stack, pushed my chair back and made my way upstairs to the management suite.I didn't bother turning the lights on in the upstairs office, there was just enough light to navigate the unmanned desks and cabinets in order to drop my work into the manager's in tray on his over sized dark wood desk. I turned to make my way out of the office, but stopped short at the boss's secretary's desk. There was a photo there of her and her arsehole of a boyfriend, that always.
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