It is the inability to feel joy. It’s a missing foundation, like a building with a sinkhole where its fourth cornerstone should be. No matter what you use to try and support the building, it’ll fall away, and the building can never stand, until it too crumbles and falls into the pit. To live with depression is like running a marathon with one leg, and the only help you can get is people suggesting you buy a better pair of shoes. But hopefully, I’ll be dead soon and I won’t have to feel pain or sadness anymore. Coming home, I went straight upstairs and hid in my room. I just wanted to go to sleep, maybe it would ease my suffering. Downstairs, I could hear my parents telling my younger sister and brother the bad news. I was completely in awe, hovering in empty space within my dream. Before me, roaring in limitless intensity was the single star I always saw when I slept. Before now, it had been little more than a single speck of light off in the distance, but now it was clearly in view,. He actually suggested that we make the bonds a little tighter so that he could be a little safer. We had no trouble accommodating his request. Finally, we bid him good night and we drove off.Our wagons were so heavily loaded that the two mules pulling each wagon had a hard time getting us back to Maudville. They certainly could not do it at a trot! We still pulled in about an hour earlier than we were expected, but that was not a problem. We moved the guns, etc. into my workshop, but we left the rest of the stuff under a tarpaulin on each wagon until we had daylight to unload the stuff tomorrow.I spent the next five weeks converting the guns to the rifles and pistols that we used. I went ahead and converted all of the guns we had on hand because I was hoping for more recruits to join us. Maudville was currently too small to survive, and I wanted to do whatever I could to keep us going.Well, it was a good thing that I had converted enough guns to give every one of us a rifle and a.
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