" They're looking forward to having you blocking for them, too, Gary. And they want you to take more of those slants over the middle. Say they're getting too old for much more of that nonsense..."I chuckled and said I'd try to contribute my share.The rest of the school year flew by. I worked hard to stay in shape and improve as much as I could with the discus.Tampa Bay had taken Don late in the second round of the draft. He'd have preferred to go higher, but wasn't unhappy. Still a frequent visitor in our apartment-usually with Kathy-we fed him regularly.Hanna continued to expand. Between classes, Jason, and her increasing girth, she had a tough time of it. I helped as much as I could, especially with Jason and the routine tasks around the apartment, but Hanna's classwork suffered... I called the track coach. "Coach, I know Hanna can't compete this year, but she really needs some help. Can you get her some tutoring?" Sure, Gary," was his cheerful reply. "Her scholarship continues. But really, it is a perception and a reaction to an event. What those people did to her wasn’t what hurt her, it was how she perceived it and gave it meaning that caused the real harm. She wasn’t able to choose what happened to her, she didn’t get to choose to be raped, but the pain she felt was an illusion brought on by social stigma and social meaning. In reality, any act could have caused the same damage as what she went through, but she had been shaped by society to view what happened to her in that way.I blamed myself for her death because I needed to feel like I could have done something. I needed to feel like even for a moment, even if it involved shameful failure, I had power. I needed to feel like I had a choice. But really, everything is predetermined by time. What happened was unavoidable; it was the result of all the variables lining up at their destined points. Whatever happens is the only possible route as dictated by time and the variables. There is no point.
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