On the walk I thought about the passing part. Iam not sure I completely passed as a girl even when I was wearing makeup and my hair was styled. From a distance I gave off enough of animage that I wasn't scrutinized but up close it was different. And myvoice definitely gave me away.Reaching the top deck at the front of the ship I saw that there weremany others who were doing the same thing and lined the rail. We allwatched as Castaway Cay became larger and could see the activity on thefamily beach and the pier as they got ready for our arrival. This stopwas a favorite for me because it was truly relaxing. The huge shippulled past the pier and it was time to back in. The skill of thisalways amazed me.As I turned and started to walk to the back of the ship I heard a loud,"Brandi, Good morning GIRL!" and saw Lisa. The way she greeted me youwould think that we had been friends for decades instead of someone Ihad just met last night.I moved close to her so my voice wouldn't give. Again,I was lucky and was invited to appear on a television show in Knoxville,which was picked up by the network and broadcast over the US. I caughton. I was invited to New York to sing on one of the most populartelevision shows at the time, and - before I knew it - I was a star."Being a rock star has certain advantages. I wore my hair long at thetime when men wore theirs in crew cuts. I wore close-fitting pants,colorful silk shirts, and sequin-spangled jackets which no ?real man'would be caught dead in. I plucked my eyebrows and lengthened myeyelashes. I danced with the gyrating motions of a teenage girl. But itwas all a sham, and the emptiness in my soul only grew greater. I want tobe the woman I am inside, not just have some of the mannerisms of one. Iwant to be one of the girls screaming in the audience, not the singeronstage at whom they are screaming."I tried, Augie, I really tried to overcome it. I even put my career onhold and joined the army in the hope of making myself into.
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