Dad drove me to school for the game. He said that the rest of the family would be there for the game this week. Word filtered into our locker room that Eddie's JV team beat the Chief's JV team 27-13. JV is 2-0 now. We varsity players needed to keep up.I stood at the edge of the field during introductions near the front of our team, as befits a starter. The butterflies in my stomach were working overtime tonight! The stands seemed to be filled to capacity. They crowd presented a collage of colors, but our red and white predominated.I waited impatiently as the offensive line was announced, followed by the tight end, then it was my turn. The speakers blared, "Starting his first game, Number 87, Kyle Martin, Freshman Wide Receiver." I ran the gauntlet of my team mates high fiving them and receiving pats on the back as I ran by. I heard some cheering as I was introduced. I stood at the end of the line, waiting for Mike, Stan and Zack to be announced.Our team kicked off to the Chiefs. Our. I think he expected the comfort, too. Lost, waiting for a daddy – any daddy – to hold him, he looked up, snot falling from his face, eyes red, mouth huffing.“Why – why – why –“ he sobbed, barely able to speak. “Why – why’m I such a loser?” he cried, pushing his plate away, head dropping into his arms, sobbing now. Really fucking going at it. It was almost comical if it wasn’t so painful. “WhythefuckamIsuchaloser,” he cried, repeating himself, again and again.I just stood, arms crossed, holding back my own tears – seeing so much of myself in him, manifested differently, of course, but the core was me – the same young man, the same confusion, the same self-hatred.When he looked up again, the tears subsiding just a bit, seeking an answer to the question he had posed, I tossed him a dishrag, which he used to wipe his face, blow his snot. The k** could sure produce some fluids when he needed to – I’ll give that to him.“Son –“ I said, making sure he heard me and was ready to hear me. “It’s.
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