"N-No..." I shook my head, suddenly terrified by what we were doing.I couldn't do it, I didn't want to. I mean I did want to, more than anything. I wanted to make love to him, to let him do whatever he wanted with me. I wanted to just give myself to Levi forever ... But I couldn't. I just couldn't for some reason. I was a virgin and I had to stay that way, didn't I? This was gonna be wrong and it didn't make any sense, since it had been perfectly okay just a second before. What was different? I didn't know, but I just didn't want to lose my virginity on Coach's sofa to a guy I'd just met, even if he was Prince Charming, you know? Maybe I was just coming to my senses finally."Shhh..." Levi kissed me and rocked his hips, just a little and the ache became something sharp and hot and it made me gasp loudly."No!" I pushed him, digging my fingers into the skin just below his arm, trying to force him away. "Stop ... Please ... No..." I wanted to get away, to move myself out from under him,. " I know," I whispered, and maybe I felt a little uncomfortable. Nobody had ever worried about me before. "Did you eat? Come on, I'm making a salad."We avoided the subject for fifteen minutes before sitting down with a light dinner and a bottle of wine. The hour was late and I wasn't hungry, but it kept my hands busy and the drink helped a lot."Do you want to talk about it?" Stacy asked, biting her bottom lip, and I shook my head."I'm not supposed to," I said. "They have to do an investigation and..." I shrugged. "It's over now. I'm okay." Were you scared?" she wondered, not knowing all the details; only that I'd been in a shooting. That I'd used my weapon."Yeah," I told her with a smile. "Before it happened and then afterwards. I was scared." But when you..." I didn't think about it," I told her honestly. "When it happened ... I don't know. It's just the job." I don't like your job." Stacy frowned and I picked up the wine, knowing I'd never be able to explain."Come on," I said.
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