“No, this is…” my father’s voice faded away as they went deeper into the living room. I could make out a few words of their conversation, but mostly they argued while my mother cried and my father was very aggressive with his tone. In my dark room, I was very scared of the yelling and crying coming through the walls, I could not make out the madness occurring in the living room. I had never heard my father like this; this seemed as years of anger all coming out at once. In my sleepy state, I could not tell the how long they were yelling for, I just wanted it to be over. After half an hour or so, my mother came into my room after the fighting stopped. From the lighting in the hallway, I could partly make out her features. She has been crying with lots of tear streaks down the side of her face. She sat down next to me on my bed and looked at me. I felt her hand on the left side of my face as she leaned down to me on the forehead. I could feel her tears dripping onto me.“I am so sorry…I. The vibrator, not so much, while I loved the feel of it vibrating inside me, the moment, I stepped off the stool the damn thing would always slip out and fall to the floor. A little experimentation led to ordering several pairs of satin thong panties to keep that vibrator securely in place inside me.By the time I graduated from college, I’d hung myself hundreds of times, each time hanging until I was on the verge of losing consciousness, then letting go of the rope. Over the years, I gradually made improvements to my breath play erotica, replacing the handcuffs, which always left bruises on my wrists, with a set of custom ordered steel manacles that fit my wrists perfectly. I also tested variations of the hangman’s knot, gradually increasing the time I could hang to almost thirty minutes before I needed to release the rope. I also made minor adjustments in the length of the rope, so that in the final stages of the noose tightening around my neck, the toes of my high heels would be.
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