I wanted to loosen up. I didn't want to get all drunk and silly. We could do that some other time. I was suddenly reminded of that day when I stepped outside for a smoke at the airport, the day I brought her home. That was when I made a vow to protect her from my bad habits and keep them discreetly away from her. But now, I no longer felt obligated do that. I reached for my pack of smokes and lit one up. Then, I sat down next to her-- in her intimate space-- with my arm around her, no longer making any effort to protect her from my vices. Still, it was very much a surprise to her to see me in this way. Within the last several minutes, I made every attempt to be as unfatherly as I could. This was as much about me giving up my role as a father as it was testing her ability to accept me outside of a father-daughter relationship. "I've never seen you smoke," Monica said, "never seen you drink...never heard you cuss. I Never knew you had a bunch of tattoos, and never knew you were in. As far as I could tell he hadn’t really said anything positive about anyone’s drawing.“So, what makes you think you’re an artist?” he demanded. “Put your hands down. That was a rhetorical question. Look up the meaning. You undoubtedly all have mothers who still have your kindergarten scribbles tacked to the refrigerator. You’ve been told your drawings were good since the first time you stuck a crayon in an electrical outlet. Oh, you’re so talented, you should become an artist. Let me tell you exactly what all that means. Shit! You couldn’t run fast or play baseball or weren’t big enough for football, so you should be an artist. You weren’t pretty enough or couldn’t cook or were a failure at math and music, so you should be an artist. Art is where you got shoved because you weren’t good enough to do anything else. All the praise you got from your grandma, the awards you got at the 4-H Fair, the pictures on the refrigerator—none of that means shit. Accidentally drawing something that.
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