He wasn't going to be home until after work at 5 so he'd leave the key under the mat for me. This was perfect. I could tell my mom I was going to be spending the night at one of my friends houses then I could shoot over to Jeff's and get all dressed and pretty before he even got home.I couldn't wait for Friday to come. I sat there all day staring at the clock praying for 3 to get there. My car was loaded with all of my clothes and makeup and even a few toys. Finally it was three and I was on the road. Jeff's place was only a 20 minute drive and with his directions it was no trouble finding. I walked up tot he front porch, lifted the mat, found the key and let myself in. When I walked in the front door I was greeted by a small bouquet of flowers with a note on them reading, "Hey beautiful, I can't wait to meet you in person. Make yourself comfortable." I knew there were so many things for me to do with just over an hour before he got home. I found my way to his bathroom and jumped. As well as even more jealous, incidentally. I don’t know why my head chooses to vex me with vile images of their bodies entangled in sheets. But it does. Probably, a way of telling me of why I should let my love go. Nothing inherently new. My stubborn thinker refuses to allow me peace of mind while my heart feels as it does, and it seems hell bent on making me sick to my stomach with imaginations of moans of pleasure and roaming hands. As much as I try to block these images from my mind, I always find my way back to hating this woman for even existing at all. I know full well that it’s wrong to think such things but I can't help feeling that way. In truth, I hate myself for it. We have agreed to be friends and I am trying my hardest not to break this verbal agreement but I cannot help wanting to push the boundaries either. For my own sick, self-satisfaction, I want to tell him how I still feel and to hear him say that he still loves me, too. Yet another selfish thing that shows how.
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