From that point on, it didn't seem as though I was in control. I always had a choice or decision before me about something. Apparently I was being influenced by some other force and dealt with it to their (or its) satisfaction.What would happen to me if I turned down the role that Father Juan had just set before me? Would I be struck dead? I knew that answer immediately. No, of course not! Would I see disappointment and sadness if I raised my head and looked into the eyes of the apparition speaking to me? I knew the answer to that, also."What will I have to do? Will I have guidance? Where will I get the knowledge to teach these people that I have not met yet? Where will these persons come from? Will I have to go out looking for them?" Questions like these and others were skipping through my mind.Again I felt Father Juan's hand on my head. "Jim, you just have to be yourself. The persons you meet will come from me setting them before you. Now that I am home I have almost limitless. I might make her feel better, more secure.’ She smiled, ‘I think it’s a lovely idea and I’m sure she’ll be very pleased. Where shall we go?’ ‘Let’s spend the day in Stresa shopping and lounging about.’ I smiled, ‘I need a rest. Phew, I’m worn out!’ She laughed, ‘She is keeping you busy isn’t she.’ Then she was serious, ‘Is it good. You’re not sorry are you?’ I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sorry, I was still worried about my feelings for Lena. I couldn’t make love to her properly at the moment so I didn’t know how that would be now I had Gianna and I was worried. I think she must have sensed something because she said, ‘Mike, Mike. Surely you’re not sorry!’ ‘No,’ I said softly, ‘I’m not sorry. Lena I love her so much and she is so happy. How I’ve secretly longed for her to smile, to laugh, to enjoy life again. No, I’m not sorry.’ ‘What is it then. I can tell something is wrong.’ ‘Oh, I’m sorry Lena, it’s just that, well what with not being able to make love to you properly I worry.
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