” Randy went out to a bar with us over the weekend looking for snatch, but came up empty. Just like the rest of us. Paul actually got a girl who was real interested and was all over him. She was making out with him in a booth and had her hand on his crotch. I figured Paul had gotten lucky. When she came up for air Randy laughed. He recognized the girl so he walked over to talk to her. “Hi, there,” said Randy. “I haven’t seen you since yesterday when you showed me your shaved dick and balls in the locker room.” It’s a wonder what makeup and a wig will do for a guy’s appearance. Paul politely thanked “her” for the attention, and joined us at the bar. We had all struck out. Monday Randy was back in the gym. This time, on the dot, the girl walked “accidentally” into the guys’ locker room at 6:45. Randy told us the story. “You seem to be lost. Can I help you?” Randy was naked and absently tugging at his tool. “Yeah, I’m looking for the power tools department,” she replied with a grin. “You. Perfect! As her altitude decreased she found an ideal place to land, a tree in the yard of the house in question. From her perch on a limb she did indeed see a car parked in a little driveway. The occupants of the house slept however she didn’t want to encounter a wide-awake dog guarding the premises. She’d get no help by killing someone’s pet. The colonel’s heightened senses detected no animal sleeping or roaming so she sailed down and lit on the yard, converted back into a human woman. The grass wet with dew under her feet and an unfriendly chill in the nocturnal air are not discomforts to the undead. Urgency of mission sent her quickly to the front door upon which she beat frantically. ‘Help, somebody please help me,’ she cried out. Ordinarily she would have ripped the damned thing off its hinges and entered and slain anyone who got in her way taking what she wanted. And Himmler ordinarily didn’t object to the Gestapo kicking down doors and brutalizing citizens. But von Schitt.
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