He was the One, the Only One. How could that have not been obvious to him after everything I’d put up with, after all the times I came back to try again. Here, now, I pull him into a closet and lock the door. I get on my knees and unfasten his tuxedo pants, struggling to reach the zipper under his ridiculous purple cummerbund. By this time the mother of the bride has gotten wind of what’s happening and she’s enlisted the help of the maid of honor to batter the goddamn door down before it’s too late. I smile to myself. My name is infamous to these people. The chastity guard are beating at the door as only two women determined to prevent the ultimate shaming of their beloved girl can. He begins to waver when what he thought was going to be a secret, just one final, farewell blow job from the psycho ex-girlfriend (funny how the psycho prefix is generally added as punishment for enjoying sex a little too much) is looking like it could become the ruin of the many relationships he has. " Excellent. There's a place pretty well on the way back to the car park which I've been to before which I reckon is jolly good." OK," she said sounding slightly reluctant and then with a brilliant smile, "Yes please."Christopher was thrilled."Now then," he said when they were seated and had given their order, "I've known you almost a fortnight and still don't know your surname." Hepton-Fotheringay-Norton," she replied straight-faced."Are you related to the Knapton-Fotheringays?" he asked equally solemnly.Tina exploded with laughter. She was quite unable to respond other than point at him and peal with laughter again. She found a tissue, dried her eyes and then was off again. "You ... you..." was all she managed to get out.At last she pulled herself together. "Cooper."Christopher stared at her. "Really?" he asked eventually.She nodded."So's mine." I don't believe it." True." That's amazing." You were made for me. Everybody tells me so," sang Christopher.Tina pulled a face at him."All.
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