What’s theproblem?”Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stungon her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”Customer: “Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.” So he tied her up and went golfing.A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and raninto the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of herlungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff ormountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, ‘How will I recognize him?’ ‘That’s easy; he’s a midget with a speech impediment.’ ... So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a. "Besides,"I told her, "I'm no housekeeper, and I'm a lousy cook!" "No problem," she laughed. "My place isn't hard to keepclean, and I didn't get this body by eating fancy meals everynight. We'll be eating mostly health foods, and they're easy toprepare. And, as far as being a gigolo is concerned, forget it. Remember, you're not wooing me, I'm wooing you. Think of it as atrial marriage. If it works out, I'll probably wind up marryingyou." "And if it doesn't? I could wind up out on the street withno job and no place to live!" She laughed again. "Don't worry your pretty, little headabout that," she told me. "I know you're as hot for me as I amfor you, and I'm convinced it's going to work out just fine. Butif it doesn't, I'll set you up in your own place and support youuntil you find a job. And I'll even put that in writing, ifit'll make you feel more secure." It's not easy arguing with a woman Mona's beauty, size andstrength, particularly when she's holding you suspended in midairtwo.
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