" I'll say," giggled Elaine."It's kind of raunchy and elegant at the same time," said Jerry, switching into his stand-up comedian mode. "You know, I think it would be a good phrase for a personal ad." He pantomimed reading a classified ad. "Single white male, mid thirties, non-smoker, is looking for someone to share special times with. Enjoy reading, rollerblading, and avante garde films. Superb cocksman."Elaine laughed. "That's pretty good, Jerry. You ought to put that into your act." No, I don't think that would go over very well. I've got a reputation as a family comedian, you know." Too bad," said Elaine. "It's a lot funnier than most of your stuff." Gee, thanks," said Jerry.Kramer burst back into the apartment carrying a videotape."Here it is: 'Hot and Spicy Pizza Girls'! A classic." He popped it into the VCR and started fast forwarding."Right up there with 'The Godfather', I'm sure," said Jerry sarcastically."Here we go," said Kramer, playing the tape at normal speed. On the. Again I hit him, this time even more ineffectually. I couldn't breathe! As the edges of my vision began to blur, I grasped at his hands, trying to break his grip on my windpipe. His hands might as well have been steel bands for all the effect I had. In a final act of desperation, I humped my hips upward as violently and quickly as I could and was rewarded by seeing him tumble over my head, his hands torn from my throat. Mentally I thanked the trainer at my old gym who had insisted that I finish each work out with multiple sets of ab crunches.Gasping for air, I rolled in the opposite direction, trying to gain my feet before he came for me again. I had managed to get to my knees when I saw him rushing at me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my heavy Samsonite briefcase lying on the edge of the sidewalk a mere four feet away. I lunged for it and grasped the handle with the tips of my fingers just as he connected with my midriff in a full body tackle, sending us tumbling again. As we.
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