Jez… I never thought I’d see him again. I try recalling him as he was when we were dating but all I see is his twenty-nineteen profile picture on Facebook. I looked him up in a drunken stupor the day my divorce was finalised, thinking of him, at the time, as my lost soulmate, ‘the one that got away.’ A silly notion. I’m sure he never thought of me so fondly. He was instantly recognisable, still a handsome devil. Grey hair suited him and he looked fit and healthy.“Beth?”“Coming.”Jez was listed on Facebook as single and looking through his posts, it was evident he was divorced. That, unfortunately, was all we had in common. He hadn’t pursued his dream to become a doctor, had never travelled further than Spain, as far as I could tell, and he’d never moved from our tiny hometown – all things we’d spent hours discussing, planning. Things I’d done. Disappointed, I never looked him up again.And now, staring at my young face in the mirror, I don’t know how I feel about seeing him again.. I did give serious consideration to what Jake had told me, but I found something wrong with each. If I walked away I’d be giving up a house, a basement workshop and a patio with a hot tub for a small apartment somewhere and I didn’t like the idea of that.The other option, stay and ignore things sounded good, but I knew me. Sooner or later things would get to me and I would snap and only God knew what I might do when that happened. Still, all in all, I guessed it was the best option short term. I could do it while I tried to think of some other way to handle things. With any luck at all maybe Tammy would get run over by a bus and I could collect on her life insurance.Things limped along for the next two weeks. There was no visible change in my attitude toward Tammy and she continued to treat me like the clueless twit she thought I was. Maybe I’m making that sound harsher than it was. I really did think that Tammy cared for me in some way, just not in the way I wanted.We were just days.
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