”“You said you were gonna tell me something funny, not something secret,” Brian pointed out.“No—no I didn’t,” Emily replied, scrunching up her face like she was trying to remember. “But anyways, like, if it’s funny, it has to be a secret, right? If it’s not a secret, then the punch-line’s not funny, ‘cause you already know it?”“Motor-mouth don’t have any secrets,” Aunt Mattie laughed in her raspy smoker’s voice as she passed through their room, collecting dirty plates in each hand.“I do so have a secret!” Emily insisted, struggling to sit up straight and making sure neither of her hands were on Brian.“Uh-huh,” Aunt Mattie laughed, rolling her eyes at the bottle of tequila. “You want a glass for that, honey?”“I’m okay,” Emily said. “Don’t wanna dirty more dishes for you.”“For me?” Aunt Mattie laughed, continuing on into the kitchen. “First one of you sprouts that throws up is doin’ all the dishes in the morning. Probably gonna be you.”“Your punchline better not be you puking all over. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much.You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.Look at me ... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood. What do you say to that?"The Englishman replied,"Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!"This one is compliments of Misguided ChildA businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except ... the MagicPenis!'The husband said, 'The what'?The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis, ' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the.
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