There was an alley near the cathedral which was sometimesused but it wasn’t a safe place. They suggested I checkit out.The alley was dark but from my torchlight I could see itwas cluttered with rubbish of all sorts. I walked thefull length but saw nothing. As I turned to leave I hearda single cough. I turned back but could see nothing butrubbish. I started to search sifting trough the pile oftrash. Buried below I found a filthy sleeping bag. Myheart thudded as I pulled it open. Inside was Jane.She looked deadly pale in the torchlight. She smelledstrongly of booze. Her face was cold and I pushed my handinside her sweater. The skin of her chest was cool – toocool. I could feel her heart beating but I feared thatshe might have hypothermia. I pulled her out of thesleeping bag – not an easy task even with my strength –and carried her across my shoulders to the car. I had toget her home and warmed up in a hurry. Her jeans weresoaked with piss and I detected a strong. What gave these guys “expert” status made no sense to me. I will admit, however, that there was some interesting stuff on there. One of the gurus described a tactic in which he’d program his phone number under the name “Sex God” into girls’ phones. Though it’d been over a year since I heard that particular interview, while talking with a hefty 31-year-old blonde at Woody’s, I applied the technique hoping all that time spent in the car listening to these hopeless bozos would yield some results. Her name was Pam. She was an inverted Butterface, so instead of having a hot body and ugly face, Pam had a hot face and ugly body. When I asked my buddy Axe if there was a name for that, his response was: “Fat.” Fair enough. Pam was on her way out as I punched in my plagiarized cell phone name. A half hour later I began texting her: Sex God: “Where’d you go?” Pam: “WTF!!! Who is this!!!” Sex God: “This is the Sex God, duh. Your lame friends just dragged you out of here. We’re gonna need to.
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