I know you are worried about Jenn. All I want to do is be there for you right now." Argh! I can't take any more of this. Jeff, either put up or shut up. You're either in or your out, and I won't put up with any more negative vibes from you!" Hunh? What do you mean?" Either you're the eighth girl, or you just stay out of this!" With that she stomped into the bedroom and I heard the lock click.I tried the knob, then knocked lightly. "Sarah! Let me in, sweetheart. I'm sorry!" There was only silence in answer.I spent a cold, lonely night on the couch, the first since we had moved in together, and it was not something I was anxious to repeat.Mon Jan 17I woke stiff and chilled the next morning after a restless night when Sarah came out of the bedroom already dressed for class. I stumbled into the kitchenette as she brewed coffee, and tried to kiss her on the cheek.She avoided my attempt and just looked at me. "In or out?"I looked at her pleadingly. "Come on! Give me a little break here! At. Pia might help, but she wasn’t in Göteborg and I wouldn’t see her for three more weeks when she came to visit for the ABBA concert. None of the girls at school were more than simple friends. Petra and Sofia seemed too young and inexperienced, and Freda and I just hadn’t clicked like I had hoped we would. The only person I had really talked to so far was Suzana, but our friendship was just starting.I realized that I had no close emotional support, and that was frightening. It felt like when I had been without Jennifer and Melanie and had just broken up with Becky. I had been adrift and alone. Like then, I was surrounded by people and still alone.I recorded my first cassette letter to Jennifer. I just talked into the tape recorder for twenty-five minutes, pouring out everything that was on my mind and in my heart. I wrote a short note to the Anderssons telling them how things were going. I also bought Karin a birthday card and a small gift that I put in a box and addressed to her mom.
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