5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??-ORYou can retire to California where...1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.3. You know how to eat an artichoke.4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.-OR-You can retire to New York City where...1 You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.3. You think Central Park is “nature.”4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF. I asked you to cut the wood. Had I asked you to beat the wood, that’d sound just odd… you can pick up that axe now and do the job properly. I spun around, shocked I had been so stupid as to let someone see me. ‘Relax son. Im seventy years old. Stuff stopped surprising me years ago. Plus, I saw you over near the trees when I first pulled in. It’s my ears that are goin after all, not my eyes…’ I laughed a little, first time in a long time. It felt relaxing. Being able to be myself. ‘Bad news and good news though boy. Good news is, pullin’ out those stumps is obviously gonna be easier now. Bad news? You’re still cutting those logs with an axe. Get to it, then come in. Cut around ten mid size blocks and ten small ones.’ ‘Yessir.’ I nodded towards the man, ‘I’ll be done soon. You mind if I have a shower first before dinner?’ ‘You know son, if you’re gonna stay here, you better start calling me by my name. Sir makes me sound like an old man. I’m only seventy, got a lot of time left yet..
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