" That must be a really old issue. Was it about Clinton?" No, Nixon." I'd been paying attention in History class, too. I almost said 'Andrew Johnson', but I didn't think Mom was up on post-Civil War politics.We both laughed at my joke anyway, and it seemed to relieve some of the stress that I had been building up."The reading material in doctor's waiting rooms is notorious for being out of date," Mom said. "I remember seeing a copy of Popular Science that predicted that before the turn of the century, cars would fly, and there would be a computer terminal in every house." Flying cars? What a terrible idea. And what's a computer terminal? Is that like a PDA?" No, it's just the printer and the keyboard. The computer was somewhere else and it was as big as a house." That makes no sense." A lot of the things people used to believe we would have by now made no sense. Progress is what you can make tomorrow with that you have today. People who try to predict the future always assume that. I must have smoked a half a pack fromthe time I locked the door. My lungs ached and my mouth tasted like awell used charcoal grill.I shook my head in disgust and called myself a sissy faggot. Iremembered what my father has said about being happy for me and Ididn't believe him. How could he not see me for what I was, a faggotpiece of shit.I got up out of bed and pulled my nightgown over my head and threw itin the hamper. At least I was doing my own laundry now so Mom wouldn'tsee the stain.I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the breast forms sagging frommy chest. I tried to pull them off but couldn't so I got back in bedand cried myself to sleep.******I woke up Saturday morning with a hangover from the guilt and remorsethat I'd felt the night before, but that did't keep me from lighting upa cigarette right away.I didn't feel sexy and I didn't feel like a woman. I felt like ateenage boy with breast forms glued to his chest. I also felt like anicotine addict and I grieved for.
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