I freeze in place in a state of total shock as my younger friends allstare, equally as shocked as I am, until eventually the silence is brokenby the one sound I was both expecting and dreading the most- the sound oflaughter. Laughter directed at me. A full five years' worth of laughterfrom my school 'friends' at my final, most public humiliation. Under thecircumstances, there's only one thing I can do.I start to laugh as well.I titter, then chuckle, then guffaw, before finally turning around androaring with laughter at the teenagers behind me. And the louder I laugh,the quieter their laughter becomes until they eventually just stop andglare at me angrily."What the fuck are you laughing at?" One of the troglodytes, a boy in myyear named Mason, asks."Isn't it obvious?" I snort. "I'm laughing at you." You what?" Mason grunts."I'm laughing at the fact that you think I care about this," I explain."I'm laughing at the fact that your lives are so sad that you actuallyspent time planning. ......and probably better, too..........I loved music, was dying to perform, but she was on a different level from an early age. I thought I could focus when I was singing, but compared to her, I was like the first day of baton twirling class.........she had all the nuance, all the grace, all the timing, all the expression, not quite the knowledge, but she was still a little k**. If she heard it once........once!...........then she just had it..She said she always wanted to be like me, but I could never be as intense about my art as she was, and that was good for my sanity and the few healthy relationships I have been able to be in my life. You know Ray, I love her, but for her, it's all piano, all music, all the time, except for sex and d**gs, well, a lot of sex and d**gs." "Bruce and I were at the kitchen table, eating. I was thinking what I would have to do to get the sex thing going with this boy, he certainly didn't seem anxious to do anything, he hadn't kissed me or hardly even.
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