I'll call you George Henry or Mr Lewes." "Mary Anne or Miss Evans?" "Because George Eliot was a nom de plume. Her name was Mary Anne Evans." "I see. Shall we be doing mid-Victoriana dialogue then?" "Fuck no. I'm a hack, not an alchemist. We'll do it in good old twenty-first-century style." "Probably easier." "Definitely easier." "And the occasion of this conversational event?" "Our first meeting, I think. You've called upon the exceedingly famous George Eliot and I've granted you an audience. How's that?" "Fine. Shall I start?" "That would be helpful." "May I say what an honour it is to meet the renowned author of 'Adam Bede', 'Mill on the Floss' and 'Silas Marner'. Thank you for being at home to me this afternoon, Miss Evans." The pleasure is all mine, Mr Lewes, it's not often that I have such a fine specimen of married, Victorian, manhood come calling. How is the state of matrimony treating you?" "Frustratingly, Miss Evans. What with the domed skirts, the hooped crinolines, the. ?Tony?, he said to himself under his breath, ?you?ve got to face up to the fact that you?re a TV and that?s all there is to it, so you?ve just got to decide how you?re going to make yourself happy for the rest of your goddam awful life?. He had had a terrible weekend, the children had been at their argumentative worst and his wife, Elspeth, seemed to criticise his every move. They had had a row about something utterly trivial and Elspeth had given him the ?silent treatment? for the rest of the weekend.As Tony drove to work he thought about all the times he had enjoyed buying clothes, shoes, sex toys and magazines and videos and all the other paraphernalia of his former secret existence; how he had, several times, thrown it all away to ?cleanse himself?, only for the urges to return. First it would be a magazine, then a suspender belt and a pair of black stockings, then a vibrator, then more magazines, a pair of high heels and soon he would be back to his former glory, enjoying his.
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