Not necessarily in that order. I wish he was the one laying me ♥. I think he would never talk to me again if he knew how I felt. I am so sick of pretending. I'm still the same guy I've always been.------------------July 16thYesterday was the worst day/birthday of my life. I got drunk and kissed Matt. He won't return my calls or texts. I'm fucked. When school starts.....I feel like killing myself. Everyone is going to know. Brandon Mackinaw already asked me for a blowjob at work yesterday. I think he was serious too. I feel like crap.------------------July 19thMy mom and I had an argument last night. She called me a faggot and says that dad would be ashamed of me if he were alive. and that the guys on the force would not want to work with me so I could forget about becoming a cop.I have to go to work now. I'm going to try to ignore how everyone stares at me. I should never have gotten so drunk.------------------July 19th (PM)HE came into the store today, The whole place went quiet.. It wasnt going to happen again this night.The people wouldnt go. I rested my head in his lap and cried silently. He didnt know I cried but I weeped. We must have been there hours because I felt his fingers gently brush my hair off my face. I must have been dozing off. Then I stirred watching him. His eyes were watching something. I lifted my head and asked him whats wrong baby?He replied he was wishing to god the peoplego away and 2 benches had cleared sincehe did it 1 hours ago. He said if he wished more perhaps the others would go as well. He said he noticed when we arrived how excited and smiling I was but gradually it left me and I seemed dissapointed.This made him sad. But it melted me that he had attention in me to see this.I kissed him and said it not your fault baby but thankyou for try.Its a fantasy for me have you here but if isnt to be it how is.Any place with you is special.I rested my head again on his lap and closed my eyes.Next I hear him whisper Bella they are left..
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