The emotions churning inside me reached a boiling point, and I had to go up to her and apologize. It was defeat, finally. I admitted to myself that nothing worked and slowly strolled towards the poorly lit, dirty kitchen. With a cigarette in my mouth I was going over the things I was going to tell her, but there was no need for that. She stood by the window that overlooked the suburb part of the city almost smiling. At this point I was beyond my conscious understanding of this situation. She grabbed me and kissed me. My mind went blank yet again, my senses reached a level that I never felt before and we continued kissing passionately. I grabbed her waist and struck her against the wall, kissing her neck. Her perfume made my body tingle, it was Black XS by Pacco Rabanne. It was my sort of d**g, next to alcohol and cigarettes...in seconds I was hooked. I never felt that perfume on her before, it engulfed me in a veil of inexplicable emotions. We spent the remainder of the night. One day she and her boyfriend, Curtis Weiss, invited me to eat lunch with them. The tables in the lunchroom are round and seat eight, so I took a seat on one of the four benches surrounding the table.Ursula said, "You know Curt," and pointing across the table added, "and that's Ernie Kulwicki, Jason Altman and Andrea Colton."I nodded at each and returned greetings, then explained to those around the table where I'd come from and who I was. Ernie lived a mile or so from Curtis out in the country, and Jason and Andrea lived in town. Jason and Andrea were a couple, and I was told later that Ernie was "available". I knew what that meant, but I avoided coming right out and saying I wasn't interested in him.I wanted to be friendly but I didn't want people to get too close; I had a secret to keep and used every opportunity to keep it concealed. My secret was simple; girls obsessed me. Not pubescent girls, but mostly women older than myself. I didn't lust after every one I saw, but certain.
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