Still a bit drunk and very stoned, I thought I’d have a look inside. I had never been into one before, but I guess this was as good a time as any to try. I walked through the door into a standard looking Amsterdam sex shop. I briefly scanned the shelves, not really paying attention too much. There were a lot of dildos and leather clothing on sale. The guy behind the desk called out hello to me. I walked up to the desk and said I wanted to go inside the cinema. He smiled and said “No problem, 12 euros please”. I gave him a 20 and he handed back the change. “Just through that door” he said, pointing at the door directly to my left. I asked him if there was a bathroom as I was busting for a piss. He pointed to the door behind me and I went in. As I pissed I realised I was getting excited again about the thought of wanking in a porn cinema. I wondered what lay behind the other door. Maybe I’d be the only one there. Maybe there would be a girl or two, playing with some strangers. I knew. (I’d tell you which song it was, but I don’t know the names of any House songs, and I don’t know how to write the beat—here, I’ll try: Dee Dee Doo Doo, Dee-Da-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Doo-Doo. Hope that helps.) Meanwhile, back at the club, Punchline was making out all over the place with Danica. Boredom set in after a while, so during one of Danica’s bathroom breaks, Punchline wandered near the exit and saw one of the guys on our tour outside talking with two scantily clad Norwegian girls next to a pizza joint. Punchline decided to ditch Danica—and guaranteed sex—to join the trio. He ended up getting one of the girl’s Facebook info—giving her more incentive to post whorish pics to impress strangers—in addition to two tasty slices of pizza. Then he went home and crashed. He had this to say the next day: “Eh, I decided pizza was important than Danica.” On to Sweden.Sweden The first three nights in Stockholm were far from extraordinary. It didn’t help that we’d arrived just in time for.
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