Just go away please" so I hung up the phone and my thoughts turned to tears I kept thinking I'm 20 years old and I'm dealing with this kind of stuff already. I drove over to Harvey's apartment and I posted the picture of me, Harvey and Edvard and I drove home.when I got home Harvey messaged me again and it said "you spineless son of a bitch" I messaged Harvey back saying "what am I meant to do Harvey face this head on? when I know I'm going to lose this fight I am not a blood relation its over, where over this was the tipping point Harvey I can't deal you wanted a child and now you have one congratulations and I'm sure your son will be very happy with you as a father" Harvey messaged me back and it said "see you in court tomorrow I hope you do what's right I will never stop loving you" so yesterday it came to 11 am and I was sat in the court house waiting for the case to be called, when we went inside I stated my name for the record and gave my opening statement "I Leonardo Nicolas. Lovers, women I’ve loved, scattered around the country like buckshot. Women I’d hurt. People I’d killed. A love who meant the world to me who died. Died because I hadn’t been there to protect her. Because I couldn’t bring myself to accept just how much she meant to me. Because we couldn’t. Because I had ran away, yet again.It is a perpetual mystery how I managed to live this long. I’m not sure its a good thing that I had. I don’t mean other people trying to hurt me. It is a mystery I hadn’t killed myself yet, and put myself out of my own misery. Out of so many other people’s misery. Out of the misery of people I had yet to meet.Yet here I sit, on a river bank. Of a river I had grown up playing in. The Canisteo River. Of my childhood. A childhood I had thrown away.I remember happy times here. I remember long walks with Suzie. We were loners in our own little world. We’d walk and talk. Long long walks. Play games. Chase each other. Play fight with each other. It was happy times. Her.
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