But don't ever—I mean ever—do this kind of thing again, or anything like it."All I could say was "huh?" or "what?" or something like that. Had no idea what she was talking about."Stop it, Harry," she goes on. "You're probably bored and frustrated by not finding anything yet, but this is out of bounds. You can't just fake things. I know you're mainly here for me, and I'm making allowances, but I thought you at least took it seriously. It really is serious, you know, learning about the past, you can't just make a joke of it like this." Joke?" I said, kind of stupidly, I guess.She shook her head real sharply. "Don't. Just don't. Now take that thing back wherever you got it and we'll forget the whole business, okay? But don't ever do anything like that again." And she just turned around and walked off, leaving me standing there in the bush with my mouth open and the piece still in my hand.Oh, sure, I guess you could say that makes this primitive art, all right. Real primitive. But we. I held it back and back and back… until one day, I thrust my index finger into my rectum and imagined myself dominated by all those who had flaunted their large male members. Even then, though, my killing thoughts lingered. I swore when I went off to college I would come back and kill him in the evening hours, my trusty green car battering the life out of him as I spun my tires away back to Maryland, awaiting a call that my friend had been killed, by a stranger no less. But I didn’t. I stayed my killing hand. I turned my thoughts to homosexual images of buff, bulging men muscles, glittering in tan, surreal Apollo rooms, while I shut myself in my college dormroom. That night, that first night, I let it all loose. I tendered my small member to the image of a Blonde god, a 14 pack man in a gym, the first release of heroin-like ecstasy in the wee hours of the night, looking strangely at my crotch, observing glistening streams of semen falling in rivulets down my leg. Many girls had.
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