Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay. “What the heck are you doing Mick?” says Paddy. “Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me”, says an obviously embarrassed Mick, “but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.I took a bird back to mine for sex last night. After some complaints for the first five minutes like,”Stop, you’re too big!” And,”Please No, you’re really hurting me now!” The fat cow eventually rolled off me and let me go on top.As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can you not just go out and have a couple of fucking drinks?”“Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my coat.When my precious little dog fell in the river Mersey, a German tourist jumped in the. Again she felt the soft touch, cool and fleeting, andthis time caught a glimpse of a dark shape retreat overthe side of her bed when she jumped reflexively. Turning on the light, she saw the form dart under thebed, but when she turned it off again, she was able tomake out something moving (slithering?) up the side ofthe mattress. Pulling her knees up to her chest, shewatched carefully to see what it could be, thinking itmight be a snake. She was curious rather thanfrightened, and examined the moving shape as best shecould in the dim moonlight coming from her window.But it was not a snake. It was shiny, almost like aneel, and left a slight trail behind it as it movedtoward her. A giant slug? Her mind worked as it inchedtoward her, again touching her flesh. But it wasn’tslimy to the touch, and as it approached, she could seethat its head was quite different than a slug’s. At thefront of its two-foot-long body was nothing but asucker, something like the mouth of an.
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