Twenty nice, slow curtsies every night,the very last thing before you take off your dress and change into yournightwear." Yes, Grandma," I said. She flicked her finger at me. I curtsied to her,more slowly, with lowered eyes, making sure I was raising my petticoatas well as my skirt. I felt ashamed, making this gesture of femininesubmission."Better. Good, you're listening. For the next few days, I will teach youhow to hold yourself like a girl, how to stand, sit, walk, turn, curtsyand otherwise move like a girl, how to cross and uncross your legswithout showing off your panties, how to get in and out of a car in askirt, how to use your hands when you talk, how to hold your elbows inand your wrists limp without looking like a drag queen, how to flip yourhair to dismiss or attract a man, all the things that girls know by yourage. I'll also show you how to speak in a higher, breathier, quietervoice."And then she lowered the boom. "And then, one week from tomorrow night,I will invite my. I fell to my knees and just sobbed.Every emotion I'd ever felt just oozed out of me, it was the most desolate sadness I'd ever experienced. Time had no meaning, I was overcome. I'd heard people talk about wanting to die when a loved one passed or left them, and I now knew how that felt. It was as if everything moved in slow motion, every action, every thought required my consent, and I couldn't see a reason for any of it. Should I breathe in? Why? Why shouldn't I just stop breathing and let go of the pain. If I died maybe she'd understand why I just gave up on life and feel sorry. Maybe everything would start over again and she'd never hurt me like this again. Maybe she was just a cold hearted snake, who had never loved me and never would. She'd probably just laugh when she found out I was dead, because it would save her and Smith the trouble of having to get rid of me or divorce me. My death would be the last gift I'd give her.It was about that time that I felt the hand on my.
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