"Which will never happen," I retort. "You know how stubborn she is." But if I go, I leave you alone at Christmas," grandma says. "Yourgirlfriend's family wouldn't be happy to see you if what you say abouther sister is true." It is," I sigh. "But- but I'm an adult, or near enough. I'll be fine.The only other alternative is- is if I go to London too..." Well that would be your choice, Ian," grandma says. "If you want to goto London then I will happily drive you there tomorrow. Ian, do- do youwant to go to London, to see your parents?" I pause as grandma asks methe question that I really didn't want to hear, as I genuinely don'tknow the answer to it.Obviously, my first instinct is to say 'hell no' and forget that myparents ever lived. Growing up, they were nothing but a source ofstress to me. Mum pushed me so hard in directions I didn't want to gothat in a way I'm lucky that I'm still alive, and dad could have beenreplaced by a cardboard cut-out and it would've been an improvement. Onthe. "There was a moment as he started to move that you could have ripped out his throat. Then when he went down, you could have broken his back when you brought your knee down on him. But you didn't kill him. Why?" Rhonda said I did exactly what was needed. I don't know why I didn't kill him. Thinking back, I get very angry and wish I'd killed him. If I had, I'd be in jail right now." They'd never put you in jail. It was clearly self-defense." The whole thing is on tape. You identified places where I could have killed him. If I had, do you think it would be harder for a judge to identify ways I could have stopped him without killing?" You used fire. You moved so fast the camera only saw a blur. How did you restrain yourself from killing him?" Whitney asked."Did you feel anything?" I asked. Master Xi told me that he and Whitney had felt me call the universe last spring."Yes. It frightened me more than feeling you last spring." Why?" It was cold. Were you angry, Brian? Did you see red? Did.
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