What I'd always feared: thewhispering, the hiss of words, hidden behind a hand as one's lips bend tothe other's ear. The whisperings from deep inside myself."That who you wanted that night was a man."That who I wanted was a man, yes. That who I wanted was someone whosebody looked like mine did that morning, when I finally wiped the steamaway and looked into my mirror. Like mine, though sometimes, the quietestwhispers knew, someone who was more. Whose heavy arms might bulge withall the power he would need to hold me close, more power than I had in myown arms. Whose thighs, columns infused with the strength he needed todrive into me, more strength than I had. What I wanted was someone strongbecause I wanted to be strong, wanted strength in a lover's reach for mebecause his need for me demanded all he had, because to hold me, even fora moment as I fly through the world, is worth that."And did you want to hold this man?"I did. I did."Want to hold him, as you poured yourself into him?"No,. This way if you please, Fraulein Reitsch."As they ascended the stairs, Helmut and I rwent back to the family roomto await her return."When you told me to expect a surprise visitor at short notice Icertainly didn't imagine it would be her," I said. "Do we know why she'shere?" Well, she's recently become involved with the V-1 programme, so there'sthat, but she said it concerned Wernher von Braun and that she didn'twant to tell me what it was over the phone." Should we be worried for Wernher?" I don't know," he admitted, "but while she's here you need to bear inmind that as charming as she can be, Hanna is a committed Nazi. UnlikeWerner, who joined the party solely to help get his rockets built, she'sa true believer who worships Hitler." Oh, that's disappointing," I said. "Where did you two meet?" On one of my visits to Peenemunde. Given that was where the Luftwaffetested their experimental aircraft prior to the RAF raid last August, shenaturally spent a lot of time there. I invited her.
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